There’s a certain exhaustion that comes with pouring your entire soul into something, only to feel like you’re screaming into the void. I’ve spent years crafting music, writing stories, designing clothing, and even building my own website. These should feel like milestones, but instead, they feel like stepping stones that lead nowhere. Every time I think I’m moving forward, life seems to pull me back five steps, whether it’s professionally, mentally, or physically.

I get praise, and I’m grateful for it, but I always think it could be better. Maybe that’s the curse of being an artist, always feeling like your best work is just out of reach. The reality is, I do everything from my bedroom. Some days, I can’t even get out of bed. I don’t talk much about my medical struggles because I don’t want to be judged or labeled as attention-seeking. But the truth is, they’re a part of me, just like my music, my stories, and every other piece of art I create.

I try so hard. I keep pushing. And yet, the criticism still comes, and the doubt creeps in. It’s not that I want to quit. I love making music. I love creating. It’s my passion, my purpose. But some days, it’s exhausting to feel like nothing I do is ever good enough for the world. I have over 50 songs sitting in a vault right now, fully finished, yet I don’t like any of them. Not because they’re bad, but because I don’t feel good enough.

And no, I’m not writing this for pity. I don’t need people to feel sorry for me. I just needed a space to say it out loud. I try to be there for everyone, and while some people appreciate me, others act like I don’t exist. Does it make me the bad guy for wanting to run away and disappear for a while? Maybe. But I feel like I’m standing still, like I’ve been running in circles for six years with no real destination.

I smile. I put on a mask. I step onto the stage, determined to be the greatest entertainer I can be. And people wonder why I created Mr. Smiles. Maybe because sometimes, smiling is the only way to hide how much it hurts.

But I’m still here. And I won’t stop.

AJ★RG